The Field It’s a big world out there. As we learn to curate the impulses and influences that come into our tiny corner of it, we feel a little frightened by the universal avalanche of need, plethora of goods and absence of satiety. An international pandemic only makes this worse. We are in serious danger of becoming phobic about other people as sources of dread, infection and sabotage. The “solution” to the extent there is any – would be to strengthen the confidence of our inner selves, setting up a supportive inner mantra of “Good choice! Right thinking!” in order to become our own teachers. Buddhists say the answer is to cultivate compassion; realizing we are all in the same boat with equal helpings of suffering and want. When we have solved the problem of knowing what is “enough” – and we are getting there – we will be able to turn and help the person next to us. “I celebrate good choices”
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Fruit
A glorious unsung benefit of discipline is our rediscovery of simplicity. When getting back to basics, you want not the banana “dish” or the banana “product” (and certainly not the fake banana!) you want just the banana alone. By itself. No ingredients added. Our eyes open to the perfection right in front of us. Blueberries! Raspberries! Melon! A little bit, eaten slowly – even worshipfully – is all you need. I allow myself a single apple a day. A gift to myself. I take it along in the car for when I feel overwhelmed by life’s – and geography’s – choices. Thank you, world! For all your bounty! “I appreciate life’s smallest gifts” Fish
Sharks never stop moving. Perhaps that is why they never get cancer. Weren’t we once amphibious? In our dreams we fly and swim, which, after all, is flying weightless through water. Is our dream of weightlessness in fact a memory of when we floated inside another being? Are we struggling to recapture a freedom that was once second-nature? Perhaps it’s only a question of remembering how to transform the oxygen all around us into a form that our bodies can use. And that’s not the only skill we have “forgotten”. Animals all seem to have navigational abilities unimaginable to those of us who struggle to get the map the right way up. All this implies the existence of a buried self, speaking to us now, through our own yearnings; transforming now into plans to “meet up.” Someday. Mantra: “I transform” Firefly
Not only is there no time like the present, there is no time BUT the present. Joy can be found living in the Eternal Now, just like fireflies.. And yet, our great human brains, seek to male future Nows different, more bearable by bending them to Will. The discipline required to change habits could cause us suffering Now. Soothing our Now with bad habits actually numbs us, does nothing but obliterate true joy, and makes us less likely to perceive deeply, experience and accept the abundance we have been promised. We seek abundance on a deeper level. So we will stop our flitting, our evasive maneuvers, accepting that in the present this may bring a temporary experience of suffering; trusting it will sharpen all our senses, as well as our ability to receive, and to feel gratitude. “I accept Now” Dawn Beginnings are wonderful but rough. Seen and experienced for the first time, anything is overwhelming. We desire this state, but we also fear it. Beginners are helpless. Confused. We don’t want to sacrifice our cherished, painfully acquired wisdom and “start over” but we do need to lay down new habits – which gives us that “lost, disempowered” feeling. The “cure” is Old Souls. We are not as helpless as we think. We are Old Souls in new bodies, trying to recall lost wisdom. We have a pattern of discipline to follow. We must trust and have faith that on the other side of our new routines lies healing. Mantra “I trust”. Night
If we want to change, we must deliberately disrupt our schedules. This could trigger disturbing dreams; waking up in the middle of the night, raging hunger episodes – punitive self-doubt. “Go with it”; we rebuild ourselves. Our old self won’t be lost forever. Just like the child we once were, it is forever inside us. We are learning new skills, training muscles we didn’t even know we had. Of course it feels “funny”. We return to those intermediate states we recall so well from childhood; Waiting and Wondering. What we forget is the power these states confer. We are amphibious sky creatures unbounded by time; we live in all states at once. Some say this is the ideal condition for maximum creativity. Remember negotiating new sex with a partner, discovering how to swim, or learning to ride a bike? These sensations profoundly unsettle at first. My son said, “This isn’t physically possible; you just fall over.” No. You learn how to balance. We are balanced between day and night, between past and future. Hovering. Aaah. Mantra: “I believe” Day
We can be full of aphoristic hope, but there is a whole day to get through. Some people will tell us there is no time BUT the present. They are not exactly “right” – we can do many things today that substantially ease tomorrow. Still, there’s that day to get through – full of cliffs and mountains – many that feel self-created, some that actually ARE self-created. That’s when we want to quit. “No one cares about this but me.” “I must be doing this wrong or I wouldn’t be so miserable.” Who are we arguing with? It is worth investigating the source of these objections. Possibly we have a psychic stowaway! And then there are the difficulties created by others, which of course are MUCH WORSE because no psychic deep dive is going to get rid of THEM. This is why mantras exist. When other people take our brain and ruthlessly shake it like a snowball, we need a mantra (and the peaceful time to practice it) to set us right. “Om” is still good; “Grateful”, “Peace”, “Seek Joy” and “Beloved” also lead to clarity and relaxation. When your spirit is viciously jumbled just follow the breath; In, Out. You have been chosen for the gift of life. You are now a part of this beautiful planet. Consciously separate yourself from divisiveness, acquisitiveness, jealousy and evil. And breathe. Thank you, God, for breath. Thank you for this day. Mourning
If we are engaged on self-creation, the most exciting privilege of existence, what is this sadness bubbling up? Inevitably there is no escape from mourning our lost dreams and our mangled self. We had a vision of a world which turned out to be impossible, because we must calibrated our insides to other people’s outsides, an impossibility. Mourning is a process with which can now quantify, thanks to Elisabeth Kubler Ross. Denial=Not me! This can’t be happening! Anger= This is so unfair! This is so humiliating! Other people have it easier! Depression= Now everyone will see I’m defective. People will jeer! (Fear, Pain, Guilt) What’s the use? It’s hopeless. Bargaining=What if I just pretend? What if I “check out”? Who needs to be here feeling all this anyway? Acceptance= I’m willing to do what’s necessary to become the person I want to be. Mantra: I can accept my imperfections and move on The Path
Are we are everything we have ever done or are we are our own futures? Memory is our friend; if we treat it kindly it will return the favor. If our memory is abusive, let’s alter the perspective of our glance. After all, we were young, ignorant, proceeding without the map we are creating today. When discouraged, look back at the path we travelled to get here. We have arrived at an amazing place. The mountain we climb is presently encased in clouds. What lies beneath? Allow ourselves to dream. The glory of setting a path is that we still have a place to walk when we become exhausted and confused. One foot in front of the other, then our well-deserved rest. Aren’t we stronger than we give ourselves credit for? Mantra: “I am strong” Breakthrough
Up till now we have been dragging our old self along like a burdensome husk, the “new self” we coveted nowhere in sight. We are “dry drunks”, “white-knuckled dieters”, the imperfectly converted; half-heartedly singing along with the “saved”. Hypocrites. We have been faking it with a profound feeling of not making it. Then all of a sudden – maybe in the second between sleep and wake, while listening to music or thinking of something else – we see it. Out of the smallest corner of our failing eye. It’s not a “new self” exactly, but it’s a way out of the maze. Suddenly we rise above the maze and get a look at it. It’s small and cramped – we can’t believe we wasted so much time on it. Outside our tiny rats nest has been this fabulous new world all along, but we were so beset by our “incompetencies,” our “inadequacies and miseries” and above all THE FREAKIN UNFAIRNESS OF EVERYTHING that we couldn’t see it. All along, the only commitment we needed to make was to Rise Above so we could choose to Step Outside. We wanted a new self but what we were given was a new perception. It’s a glorious epiphany. Mantra: “I am so grateful for the power of new vision.” |
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September 2022
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