SYMBIOSIS
Symbiosis is harmony, balance, equilibrium. It is more of an idea (usually) than a reality, but it is a very precious idea. Symbiotic relationships are supportive and respectful. They are inherently non-exploitative, because in exploitative relationships, one side is consistently disempowered while the other side takes advantage of them. It is when our ego manages a healthy relationship with our id, that greedy infant inside of us that never seems to mature, (or learn!) but provides most of our pleasures is life. Our id could use an upgrade. “Triggers” bypass our better instincts, goals and desires. Triggers are powerful. They hijack our brainwaves. We can be having a perfectly satisfying day, feeling in control, see a billboard and become a drooling mess searching for whatever it is those people are selling. The key to fighting triggers is planning. Avoid them as best as we can, and have a strategy to fight them when we can’t. Is there a version of the “trigger” that DOESN’T threaten our equilibrium? Sometimes we need to simply re-think where we hang out. And with who. Mantra “Today I will choose what’s best for me.”
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Flight
Shame is the cause of all our suffering; even suffering caused by outside events leave us feeling that we have “triggered” them somehow by the defects in our soul. This feeling that we are not quite right in ourselves and will never improve is a legacy of cosmic shame that defeats all our efforts to love ourselves and life. Shame can’t be ignored, we can’t “fly” from it. Shame must be worked through. The voices in our head feel very “other”, as if they have been injected from the outside. We will track down the tiny minds that tried to poison us in this way, and we will counter their virus with rationality, forgiveness and compassion. Today’s mantra: I am worthy of love. Children
Luckily for us, we are not alone in the world. We are not the “end product” of the system. We are obligated to not perpetuate the damage we recognize in ourselves in the lives of those we care for. But when we are not healed ourselves, this is hard! We feel like the blind leading the blind; guilt is inevitable. The “secret sauce” is love. If we apply hope, goodwill and empathy to our problem solving, if we are open about our damage but uncompromising on our personal needs there is a way forward. Today’s mantra is, ”You are enough.” Cooperation
We can’t do this alone. Soon our minds become echo chambers of self-denigration or fantasy. Where in the world is someone trying to do the same thing we are? We should be able to reinforce each other. COOPERATION Is there life after “recovery”? Turns out the answer is yes – lots of it. People who no longer “need” three martinis to face their relatives, a spread of pastries to face their boss or liquid cheese poured over everything just to watch football. People who know that gravy isn’t Thanksgiving, bourbon isn’t sex and chocolate isn’t love. MEMORY
We are in thrall to our traumatic memories. We cannot even bear to look at them, but we must. Rip off the thin, soaked bandage and take a look. This wound was inflicted long ago. Sometimes the circumstances seem too ridiculous even to explain. We hesitate to return to that childish world. “My mother called me crazy.” “Well, she’s the crazy one.” So why can’t we just shrug it off? Because of the LACK implied. Why couldn’t my mother see my uniqueness as positive? Accept the mourning that gushes in over fathers who called you a sissy, compared you to siblings, refused to stand up for you – ever. Ouch. We mourn, we weep, and then we look in the mirror. Aren’t we all grown up with dependents of our own” How do we treat them? Once the pain ebbs, we see our suffering parents for who they were – people longing to be different. They castigated us as they shamed themselves. It’s an ugly cycle. Where is the love?. Sometimes it’s a snuggling cat, a dog who lights up when we come in, a child’s confiding hand to cross the busy road. We have to accept that history is replete with terrible events and we are part of that. We survived. We recover. We pass the love, not the pain. Pass it along. MARRIAGE
Life is an awkward dance with many changing partners. As we get older we try to curate our own experience, pick and choose, seeking partners who can support us and whom we can support. But given that each of us contains a wilderness it follows that our partners must also, so now we’ve got a minimum of two wildernesses to contend with. And when you mention the word “marriage”, THAT means you are deliberately bringing family into the picture; God only knows how many wildernesses that creates! Some of us seem actual howling wastelands. We are taking the time now to count and dress our wounds. We know families and partners can sabotage us. We ourselves can welcome sabotage. Any self-improvement regime presents a threatening separation from the group and a potentially rejecting condemnation of group shibboleths. We’re just looking for self-love and air to breathe. So how continue the dance with all these changes underway? First, stop forcing outcomes. Allow events to swirl about and away from us without contributing. Express your mantra: I release you. I am enough. I accept the light. Center within ourselves. Let us observe. The most powerful, the most 4expressive, the most envied reflect and perpetuate obvious pain. Can we muster compassion for their suffering? A small green thing flowers inside us. We will protect, encourage and love it into the sh4eltering universe. 23) Earth
We all have limited resources. It is a fantasy to believe that we can have anything, everything, any time, or that “wealth” is a quality of not having to worry. Mo money, mo worries! . Resources are always rationed, whether we are aware of this or not. It is our new mindful practice to be aware of this. Resources are limited, WE ourselves are limited. We will resolve to embrace this fact and not simply make the best of it, but fall in love with it. The times of retrenchment shadow the times of plenty, and give both their beauty. To heal is to learn to accept that we cannot change the temporary nature of our glorious experiment. We accept our pulsing green planet and resolve to protect and heal it. We accept our beautiful selves and resolve to protect and heal them. Age
Isn’t our fear of scarcity – our need for “more” - really a problem with mortality? We fear we will be destroyed by the massiveness of our need. If we are serious about ridding ourselves of our protective layers of guilt, pain and rage, we will need to confront what it feels like to be “empty”. There are at least two versions of that experience – the psychological and the physical, of which the first is much more threatening. Most research says the physical experience of hunger is sharp, then ebbs after about twenty minutes, so that distraction is a viable alternative. Sipping hot tea or lemon water, meditating or listening to inspirational music can carry us through. But in the psychological contest we are up against the wiliest opponent, ourselves. Journaling is the best weapon here, even if we are just speaking into a phone. I concentrate on making “hunger” a spiritual experience that connects us to every soul on this planet, or who has ever been on this planet. It is THE universal experience, and after all, in our case, it’s time-controlled. We will have a “fasting break” soon. But rather than concentrate on that, reach out mentally to all the other hungry people in this world. What can we do for them? 21) The Sun“Everybody does it.” It’s our fantasy that everyone is enjoying an unending party raging around us, without our participation, and without consequence, but we know in our deepest souls that can’t be true. On the contrary, “everybody” is trying to get a handle on their raging appetites & desires, and anyone who can get on top of this dangerous surfboard is envied. Our personal histories are littered with bodies crippled and the dead, those who stayed under the surfboard far too long, moaning, “I just can’t change” and “I don’t want to live if I can’t live exactly the way I want.” This is the raving of toddlers who refuse to go to sleep, unaware that tomorrow brings new promises of fresh and totally unforeseen excitement and discovery, precious treasures we will someday look back with pride on as lifetime achievements, an heirloom to “pass down” to the people we love; those three magic words: “you can do it.”
The MOON
Suddenly we’re supposed to “fake it till we make it?” But if we’re still sick, how can we ever “act” healthy? And how can we “get” healthy if we can’t act that way?. Welcome to the limitations of language. At first glance “as if” behavior seems to offer only pale imitations of The Real Thing, just as the moon is only a silver echo of the Sun’s gold. But when we are recovering from first degree burns caused by our seemingly absolute inability to get away from the raging fires of self-harm what we can’t see that the “Real Thing” our minds revere is Death itself. Always the dead will call to us. But “Life” is what we truly seek, the power of living in the Now. It will seem unfamiliar at first. This is a path we have never trodden. When contrasted with blissful (often childhood) memories we deliberately turn away from the Life of Now. But Now is all we have. Turn away from the pernicious fantasy. Enjoy the soft silvery embrace of the Moon; let’s not dwell on memories of sunburn among the ghosts. |
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September 2022
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